ong’s craft

wat a month… wat a melancolic month… everyone is quarrel to each other… everyone seem to be so lost on study… everyone seem to be not happy in thier condition and status…all these turn down the atmosphere, i hate tat… but ,i still smile…

being part of others, i always make sure i can do the best to make ppl around me laugh and happy…tat is the only way to make myself happy too.But…the story behind of a clown is always make one feels sad…how sad?no one know…caz no one willing to ask and help a clown.

i am a clown in my family…i share all my happy things to mum…to sis…to bro… i always keep in touch wif them by a meal…a chat…a joke and help watever…but…i just keep quiet when i feel down…i not dare to show misarable face in front of them…i should take care of myself …i trying to hide all my sad things inside my own blanket…parents working…bro working…sis study overseas…i always alone at home…tats y i hold clown’s characteristic…i not blaming anyone…indeed,i always thank god tat i got a good ,understanding family…and i always put my family as 1st priority.

i am a clown among friends…i got alot of friends…all kinds of ’species’…somes i see them i will happy…some i see them i will trying to let them happy…some i see them i will not happy…and maybe some they see me they not happy…But…i always smile and trying to be humour and trying to give my best jokes in any ‘population’…a kind of great achievement falls on me when everyone laugh on wat i say…they will happy caz of me…i will happy when they happy…friends is always the good therapy healing sad ppl…

i am a clown in love… makes her happy…pamper her whenever there is a misunderstanding…ask her to rest when she tired…console her when she feel sad…ask her to drink more when the day is hot…ask her to put more clothes when the day is cold…cracking my stupid brain to choose the best present and remember all kind of occasions…share my best joke and funny things to her whenever see her…create her as the most good gal impression infront of my friends…etc…. 931 days we had been togather…

I am now extremely sad and got a big anger wif me now… caz I am sure I gonna fail my monthly math tests this time. I just back from school………………………fuck the math! fuck the school! fuck me!!!

I made myself stupid for too long… I am just fooling around at school these few years! I am disappointed on myself… feel depress and promise to buck up whenever after a test and forget it the next minute… I never have done what I promised… I am a lousy person… lousy in sense of make myself organize… spoon-feed time is over ,I am 19 years old…I should practice self-discipline ,self- determine… but I didn’t , and seem to be don’t know a shit of it…

It makes me again to promise to myself have to buck up… alarm rang for the last warning! I am committing suicide if keep going like that… I have to change my attitude… I have to study from A to Z … I have to follow ‘good boy’ time table… I have to ensure I follow all the plans… “PISS me off” ,all the computer games… “SHUT up” all those meaningless gathering…

I don’t have the intelligent that 0’s had ,the determination of 5 got ,but I can always practice the hard work from 29…. Plus all that = 6…my final target!

They is no way I can let down my mum ,myself and all friends who give me supports again…………..

I am not negative-minded… just hate myself for being not hardworking………what’s more???

I can only prove myself on the stupid fucking test and STPM…….

I got nothing to say………

*TO: Mei Di and all my friends………… sorry for the rude words…….i am just type what my heart told  me in this moment …… forgive me………………………………………………

i am thought of how to be rich for this few days… i am wondering y i study for now?? after some discussion and agreement,i found that study for now is just to let us HAVING a chance to rich in future!why i say that???maybe wat i thought is just money…but dont u all have the same idea???if u dont want money, wat for u study??? ofcause i know study make human being more civilized, but wat for we exam and having competition wif each other always??? the most educated people in the world always attack the other…survey had record more and more criminals…….is that civilization so called???and i am just follow wat mother say from kindergarden till now,just go school every day!

i am an ordinary people, i dont learn any super power through this 19 years….i cant change the world!do wat i can is the only way!i am now observe some things, i learn knowledge to earn money and enjoy my life!believe that wat i want to learn is not just from book!wat i want to learn is how to live to life!!!

ok,so i have to make myself to have chances!"money make chances"i read newspaper oftenly,all the people say that u have to super hardworking towards ur goals.sometime,luck play a important parts also.but plz dont blame ur god never give u good luck,as saying goes"god save those who trying to save themself!!"

maybe u may think the intelligent people will have more bright future, but i dont think so, instead call the wealthy high IQ people,i will call them smart people! we can be smart too!i am now 19 years old ,study form six under malaysia education system!Frankly,my result is quite bad.i think that i will not going to be rich if i just go to work wif my poor certificate!lol! but for those who same boat wif me, why dont we look what is special in ourself?maybe u love to act…maybe u love to sing…maybe u love to fight!!!y dont u set urself a goal to become the superstar in drama sphere?in music realm?in the world boxing field?what i mean is we have to face things positively,but dont let dream master u!maybe "malaysia" have dissapoint u to even think of those ‘danger involve’,'not stable’ jobs…but wat i mean here is that young people couldnt give up ur dreams…futhermore if u want to be rich,JUST SHOW UR TALENT!u have to be outstanding if u want to be rich!

ofcaz i am on the way to learn all these things!i absolubely not to give up my studies! i wanna give a good fight ,this year on my stpm!caz i believe that its part of life!i pass wif good result,i won the game!to be rich people in the future ! i have to workhard + know wat i talent wif + determine!

it is just my opinion!welcome to give all kind of critique!

this is some of my feeling ….

i seem to fell for a long time,i am quite lost…sometime when i compare myself study with others, i can feel how silly i am.i am now form six, study pressure gushing towards me every moment when start holding the book.some more two of my good friends who crazy in study one sit beside me.sometime ,i feel so negligible.it is hurt !

i am not discourage myself now…

i know i cant score well in study is because of my attitude.i can never blame my mother give me this stupid slow brain.i know, i am just not as hardworking as my friends.i know 101 reasons why i cant achieve well in study,BUT i just don’t know why i cant put my stamina and effort into it.i feel so sad. am i lack of desire to make progress ? i not hope so…

to ONg chIN horNg….

to be a more happy OnG cHin hOrnG,i have to buck up. letz overcome the pressure and difficulty one by one. letz pray for my mind set to be more mature. letz learn all the essential knowledge and enjoy my school life.i really hope that someday i can have the same study status with my smart friends or even go beyond them! haha, it is a great target!

I want to achieve something…